CSI Quotes - Season 11

CSI Quotes - Season 11Season 11 Quotes
Share your favorite lines, conversations and funny quotes from CSI's eleventh season!
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11.01 | Shock Waves

Brass: "Nate Haskell did this. If he would've stayed in prison where he belonged, I wouldn't have lost two of my men."
Catherine: "It's always easy to quarterback after the fact."
Haskell: "I want Ray to live a long, long time so every time he unzips his pants to take a leak, he'll think of me."
Brass: "Yeah, he'll always remember what a putz you are."
Catherine (to Nick): "You can't John Wayne this like everything else. After losing Warrick, I thought if I just worked hard enough, focused completely on the cases, that I wouldn't have to think about his death. There isn't enough work in the world. I realized that I couldn't do my job without talking to somebody."
Nick: "I never knew that about you."
Catherine: "I'm good at hiding things, like you. Just ask yourself, if you got a call out tomorrow to the restaurant where you got shot and Officer Clark died, would you be there for your team? Would you want you backing you up right now? Make that call."
Sara (to Langston about not using his morphine for pain): "Just say no huh?"
Langston: "I hear you pack a mean right hook."
Sara: "Like Gandhi, I turn the other cheek, just wasn't mine."
Brass (to Catherine): "Oh are you going to tell me how to do my job again? We all know how well that turned out."
Brass (to Nick about interviewing Jason McCann): "What are you going to do, give the kid a lollipop?"
11.02 | Pool Shark
Brass: "This is my first shark call-out, you?"
Catherine: "What do you think?"
Boozell: "Sam's little girl."
Catherine: "No, I'm a big girl telling you to step behind the tape before I have you arrested."
Boozell: "Hey CSIs, tick tock. Your time is my money. Still here? How's my day club? Up and running yet? If you want me to break down the financials for you, I'll be glad to do it. I'll do it anyway. My night club makes $3-5 million on a sold-out weekend. The day club, H2O, does $7-10 million, not to mention the $20 million that they drop inside."
Catherine: "It's just like this town. One minute your flush, the next minute your bust."
Boozell: "Spoken like a true mogul's daughter."
Hodges (to Wendy as his phone vibrates): "It's Catherine. I swear to god all she does is buzz me all day."
Boozell (about Macklin): "I'm gonna kill him."
Catherine: "Bit of advice. Never say that in front of a cop."
Nick: "She rolls into the pool looking like Paris Hilton and when she comes out she's lost her life and her jewelry."
Hodges (when Nick brings in an oxygen tank): "Why don't you put it in my mouth and shoot it with a high powered rifle."
Nick: "No way man, the last thing I need is another explosion, I just got my hearing back."
Boozell (to Catherine): "I flunked science. Are you trying to say my car killed Holloway?"
Boozell: "Squashed?"
Catherine: "I don't swim with sharks."
11.03 | Blood Moon









11.04 | Sqweegel

Langston: "That leaves us one question. Who is Ian Moone?"
Catherine: "No finger prints, no trace, no DNA. As of right now he is forensic proof."
Hodges: "I have a fetish."
Nick: "Should I close the door?"

11.05 | House of Hoarders

Nick: "I don't get it, so we're trash whispering now?"
Nick: "You can be traumatized and still take out the damn trash. There's no excuse for this."
Dr. Robbins: "I appreciate Nick doing the Y incision for me, though I generally prefer a scalpel to a boot."
Nick: "I think I just became evidence."
Nick: "How could someone live like this?"
Sara: "Smells more like somebody died like this."



11.06 | Cold-Blooded

Langston: "We need to take a look at your dinosaurs."
Hodges: "And we are going to need to see two of them fight."
Langston: (rolls eyes) "no we don't."
Hodges: "Aw, come on..."
Brass: "The time you spent burning that woman's last hope of finding her daughter, you should have been burning your shirt."
Nick: "I bet you are wondering how a man with so many maps in front of him could be so lost."
Langston: "The regular spacing, the curvilinear pattern is what you would expect from a bite mark."
David: "A bite mark? From what?"
Langston: "Godzilla."
11.07 | Bump and Grind

Sara: "Everything that happens to us, good and bad, is a part of us. It took me a long time to realize that... uh... it doesn't have to define who we are. We get to decide."
Greg: "So far we have nothing to identify our shredder guy?"
Hodges: "Maybe this shred of evidence will help."
Sara: "We just went through a truck load of garbage and dead body. I still smell, don't I?"
Ray: "You don't want the answer to that."
Doc Robbins: "Our victim was DBS."
Catherine: "DBS?"
Doc Robbins: "Dead Before Shred."
Sara: "Believe me I get it. Two ships passing... it takes a while for the fog to clear."
Nick: "What's the code for suspicious ooze?"
Ray: "666... well, at least, the primordial variety. Stuff of heaven and hell."


11.08 | Fracked

Detective Reed: "No one's seen nothin'. They're all suffering from retinitis pigmentosa."
Nick: "I don't mean to insult your intelligence but water isn't supposed to blow up like that."
Detective Reed: "Nothing throws cold water on a guy's libido like two cops out for a midnight stroll."
Detective Reed: I've got point. Don't shoot me in the ass.
Rosalind: "Have you ever heard of fracking?"
Ray: "Sounds like a sci-fi expletive."
11.09 | Wild Life

Brass: "So, Sylvester and Tweety whacked their owners?"
Greg: "Think of it as a series of unfortunate events."
Brass: "You mean, don't think of it as a cartoon?"
Doc Robbins: "She was the victim of fowl play."
Brass: "I'll need to verify that. How do I get a hold of Betsy?"
Suspect: "You got a credit card? It'll only cost you 4.99 a minute."
Doc Robbins: "In my fantasies, a three-way never ends in death."
Maddie: "What is it?"
Nick: "Just a little piece of brain."
Maddie's Friend: "You always said you wanted a guy with brains. Sorry, I tell joke when I'm nervous."



11.10 | 418/427

Brass: "You and I both took an oath to protect the innocent, now here's the time."
Nick: "You sure this didn't come from your house there, itchy?"
Hodges: "No, my mother is very clean."
Rylan Gauss: "I hope your kids are alright there, Danny. You know, all that time wasted on me. Only have yourself to blame. Only yourself."
Agent Danielle Moore: "I've seen it before. Cop fast turns into hostage late. I'll deal with Gauss myself."
David: "Looks like a twenty-two."
Doc Robbins: "Used to be the preferred caliber for mobsters and assassins."
David: "Nowadays they go for a Glock Four-O."
Doc Robbins: "Thank you... Ten Cent. Why don't you move him to autopsy, and try not to bust any rhymes on your way out."



11.11 | Man Up

Spartan: "I mean, what guy's gonna dress like a Spartan if he doesn't have to?"
Greg: 'I can think of about three hundred."
Carrot Top: "I get like one phone call, don't I?"
Brass: "You don't need a lawyer, Top."
Carrot Top: "I know. I need my publicist."
Brass: "Hogtied, in your boxer shorts, passed out on zebra skin, that's the kinda an image you can't get out of your head."
Carrot Top: "It's an image we'd all like to get out of our heads. Thanks for bringing it up."
Catherine: "Carrot Top and a dead hooker. Why am I not laughing?"
Hodges: "I've been defrauded."
Ray: "And de-thumbed."
Nick: "She's most sincerely dead."
Greg: "I suppose it would be tasteless to mention the hundred bucks you owe me."
Nick: "Extremely."
Greg: "And to quote, 'She's not only merely dead. She's really most sincerely dead'."
Nick: "I beg to differ, Dorothy."
Greg: "If you knew your Wizard of Oz, you'd know that it was the Munchkin coroner that pronounced her dead. Not the girl with the dog."

11.12 | A Kiss Before Frying

David: "Why can't people die closer to the road?"
Catherine: "What did Jell-O man ever do to you?"
Ray: "Some men were just made to suffer."
Ray: "You ever been to Burning Man?"
Catherine: "I have now."
Greg: "I don't think you know where the truth ends and your lies begin."
Ellen Whitebridge: "For what it's worth, I've loved you since Tuesday."
Catherine: "Just do me a favor, the next time you fall for a mysterious babe let me check her out for you. I've got an eye for the rotten ones."
Greg: "Deal. Catherine, why do the rotten ones smell so good?"

11.13 | The Two Mrs. Grissoms

Sarah: "Well, I almost got blown up twice. I accused your ex-girlfriend of murder. And... Oh! I told off your mother."
Grissom: "Oh good, so you kept busy."
Julia Holden: "We all have this need to find that one person to connect with, and when we do we find that we're overlooking their imperfections and disappointments."
Sarah: "It's not really a language barrier. It's just a barrier. She's very hard to get close to. She questions everything. She has to be right about everything. She's emotionally unavailable."
Catherine: "You just described Grissom. Like mother like son."
Nick: "You don't seem to be winning any points with your mother-in-law. She seems to like me, though."
Sarah: "This case has nothing to do with my marriage."
Julia Holden: "It does now."

11.14 | All That Cremains

Sara: "She could book you. You know she's a casting director for the L.V.P.D."
Hodges: "I'll fork out the extra dollars to go six feet under. I don't like the idea of being portable, in a vase being passed around from relative to relative. No, I'm gonna get a tombstone, something that someone can worship me at."
Sara: "Ash. Morphology."
Nick: "Cremated human remains."
Sara: "Cremains."
Detective Reed: "You know I've heard of donating a body to science, but a thrift store?"
Nick: "I wonder how much the killer thought it was worth. I mean, times are tough."
Sara: "You know, I actually shop at this store. They have some good stuff."
Detective Reed: "They always sell body parts?"

11.15 | Targets of Obsession

Nick: "If I don't go to the gym now I won't go at all."
Ray: "You feel the need to leave Doc Robbins a good looking corpse."
Nick: "Something like that."
Nick: "Hey, you got a big day in court today, don't you?"
Ray: "Yeah, Nate Haskell. Putting my game face on."
Nick: "Well, I'd tell you to give him hell, but that's probably where he's going anyway."
Nate Haskell: "Ray, when I look at you, when I see the anguish I've you... I feel... Nothing. Don't you think I want to feel something, Ray, emotions that a normal human being feels?"
Nick: "He seems scared, but I can't read him, Jim."
Brass: "You shot his brother. Why would he want to save your life?"
Hodges: "Retail therapy can be very effective in relieving that Armageddon stress."
Vartann: "What is it with you? Are you some sort of bomb magnet?"
Nate Haskell: "Doctor, you complete me, or, at least, you complete my understanding of me."
Nate Haskell: "Oh Ray, it's like a mirror with you. It's like playing with my self, only better."
Nate Haskell: "Do you know what I dream of more than sex, Ray?"
Ray: "What?"
Nate Haskell: "Freedom."



11.16 | Turn On, Tune In, Drop Dead

Greg: "Dead rising, birds falling from the sky, fish dying in rivers, should we be looking for the anti-Christ to be making an appearance?"
Ray: "Haskell being on the loose is enough to fill that quota."
Sara: "DMV facial recognition?"
Nick: "Yeah, it's worth a shot. You know, I considered calling the DMV. I mean half the people that work up there are the walking dead anyway. Maybe they'd recognize this guy."
Henry: "Though working with such a minimal sample is fairly useless."
Nick: "You know brain hungry zombies could say the same thing about Hodges. Minimal sample..."
Henry: "Fairly useless."
Nick: "Exactly."
Dr. Aden: "What's your clearance soldier?"
Sara: "About five-nine."
Dr. Aden: "You're from San Francisco, huh? I left my heart and half my cerebral cortex in Frisco."
Catherine: "Maybe we need a new classification for this situation... D.O.AWOL."
Dr. Aden: "Knowledge demands its payment."
Ray: "It's always nice when someone else picks up the bill for you though."
Doc Robbins: "Careful. Evil has a way of making friends with the good and dragging them into darkness."



11.17 | The List

Aryan Skinhead Prisoner: "Do you like what you see?"
Ray: "Take off your pants, Adolf, and I'll tell you."
David: "Prison is an ugly place to get killed."
Doc Robbins: "I will be sure to put that in my report under bonus features. David Phillips, life behind bars, it sucks."
Doc Robbins: "You just missed David's elegy on prison life."
Catherine: "I'll have to wait for the CD I guess."
Catherine: "When was the last time you fired your gun, Detective?"
Detective Martin: "Screw you, *****!"
Catherine: "I think you mean, screw you CSI Willows. It's okay. I'll get a warrant."
Doc Robbins: "Go ahead, start without me. Mrs. Robbins always does... I was talking about dinner."
Brass: "We're cops. We have guns that have guns."
Catherine: "Running from another stripper."
Greg: "Burlesque dancer, and that's not funny."
Brass: "Been a long time, baby. Now you're going away for even longer."
Anne-Marie: "We'll see how many men are on the jury."
11.18 | Hitting the Cycle

Henry: "You know how long it's been since grave hit a cycle?"
Hodges: "Four years, seven months, thirteen days, two hours, and ten minutes. Henry, we are men of science, not men of superstition."
Henry: "This is wrong. You don't just shove dollar bills down the Holy Grail like she's some...You know?"
Hodges: "That's true Henry, but this is Vegas."
Brass: "These people need to get a life."
Greg: "I think you'd like video games. You get to shoot people."
Brass: "When I was their age I was in a real battlefield, with a real weapon, in a real jungle. I don't need to play war with my thumbs."
Greg: "You know what the winner of this takes home? A hundred grand."
Brass: "A hundred G's? Now I do want to shoot someone."
Sara: "I just got flowers from one of the day shift guys."
Greg: "Does he know you're married?"
Sara: "Yeah, he was wishing me luck in the cycle."
Ray: "You know, when a man lets his wife down, loses her, sometimes he can lose himself. When your marriage fails what no one tells us is that it makes us feel like we failed somehow."
Brass: "It's like finding a nerd in a haystack."

11.19 | Unleashed

Dr. Kessler: "I can say this, the good Dr. Langston isn't going to catch Nate Haskell."
Ray: "If I give in to my nature I won't catch him, I will kill him."
Dr. Kessler: "Yes, you will."
Ray: "What becomes of me then?"
Ray: "Usually, when people say they are doing something for the good of others, they are doing something for themselves."
Dr. Kessler: "Who do you think it was that Nate Haskell was performing for in that courtroom? It wasn't the judge or the jury. I can help."
Ray: "No thank you, Dr. Kessler. You've answered my questions."
Dr. Kessler: "Then I guess we're done here, for now."
Hodges: "Ah, A little chamomile. I imagine the sparks between you and Dr. Lady Heather were flying. I'm sure you dominated."
Nick: "Hey, do you think three steaks and six eggs is bad for you, doctor?"
Doc Robbins: "You know what coroners say, don't you Nick? Everyone eventually dies of a heart attack."
Doc Robbins: "You know, it's not how you come into this world that counts. It's how you live it."
Sara: "Spends her life helping others dodge punches, but she couldn't dodge this one."
Sara: "Maybe she escaped one animal only to fall prey to another."
11.20 | Father of the Bride

Nate Haskell: "Maybe you're just afraid to catch me. Maybe you don't like looking in the mirror, Ray. Maybe... you don't like what you see."
Nick: "Hey, please don't ask me if I need a hand."
Dob Robbins: "Actually, I was going to tell you you smell like a Port-O-Potty."
Sofia: "Shout out from Haskell, the man does like sticking it to you."
Ray: "Where is Hodges?"
Henry: "Uh, he's moving out of his mother's place finally. I'm not sure who's more traumatized."
Nick: "So when was the last time you saw Graham?"
Lydia Kole: "When he told me to turn my vibrator down."
Brass: "I'm sick of this guy. He's like the Joker in Batman, except without the laughs."

11.21 | Cello and Goodbye

Greg: "What's going on?"
Ray: "You can be part of the problem or part of the solution."
Greg: "Solution."
Ray: "Damn right it's only temporary, because you're going to give me your pass code right now."
Hodges:"No, I don't think...
Ray: "Or I'm gonna go all 'Dirty Harry' on your ass."
Ray: "He could have killed me. He didn't."
Doc Robbins: "Yeah, well, he didn't want to kill you. He just...wants to keep hurting you."
Ray: "Hey, it's Ray. I know you're working. I didn't expect you to answer, but you're the only one I can talk to. The only other person I think will understand this. At least, I hope you'll understand when I've done what I have to do. We all make choices..live with the consequences. The only person I have ever loved is dead. And now, there's only one thing left for me to do."
Ray: "How'd you find me?"
Nick: "I'm part hound dog."
Morgan Brody: "We got word to be on the look out for Nate Haskell. That's why I called you guys. I went over Sosa's head, please tell me I'm not going to lose mine."
11.22 | In A Dark, Dark House

Ray: "You don't become a real man until you take that first swing at dad."
Nate Haskell: "You know me so well, Ray."
Nate Haskell: "These last few kills...The thrill is gone, and I blame you!"
Nate Haskell: "I'm disappointed in you Ray. I told you we share something very special."
Ray: "I told you we're nothing alike."
Sara: "We chased Haskell from Vegas to L.A. and back only to find him here. They always go home."
Greg: "Langston did what he had to do. He was fighting for his life."
Sara: "Greg, if we were talking about two anonymous people locked in a fight..."
Greg: "I'd still say it was a fight."
Sara: "We both know that Haskell was a monster, but... We're looking for the truth here, right?"
Sara: "I just need to know what I am dealing with, and then...I will deal with it."
Ray: "I think I know where you want to take me, Nate, but you know what? I'm already there."
Brass: "Look, we are the only two people in the world who know what really happened here. And it stays between you and me. Cos' if I.A. gets a hold of it, Internal Affairs is gonna kick this up to a criminal case. They'll try you for murder, Ray. They'll lock you up and it won't just be you you'll be crucifying."
Doc Robbins: After everything that's happened between the two of you, it's natural that you'd need some reflection."
Ray: "Reflection..that's what he saw when he looked at me."
Doc Robbins: "That's what he wanted you to believe. He wanted to bring you into that house with him. He wanted to make you a helpless child just like him."







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