CSI Quotes - Season 1

CSI Quotes - Season 1 - CSISeason 1 Quotes
The Season where it all started! Share your favorite lines, conversations and funny quotes from CSI's first season!
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Catherine Willows: We restore peace of mind. And when you're a victim, that's everything. Stick with it. At least until you solve your first, and if after that, if you don't feel like King Kong on cocaine, then you can quit. But if you stay with it, my hand to God, you will never regret it
101 | Pilot

(Holly Gribbs is observing her first autopsy)
Grissom: You gotta breathe through your ears, Gribbs.
Holly Gribbs (to Grissom): No offence, but I don't want to eat anything that's been in this office.
Greg (holding a swab Nick gave him): So this is it, huh? The 8,000 dollar Q-Tip.
Nick: Well, you're the chemist. I just need to know what knocked the old man out.
Greg: In 20 seconds, this'll give us a complete chemical breakdown right down to the atom. But, I've got to warn you, oral swabs don't always read right. Vaginal swabs? No problem. Anal swabs? Money.
Nick: Anal swabs?
Greg: Anal swabs.
Nick: (pauses and sits down) Ouch.
After Grissom lets Holly out of the room with all the dead bodies in it
(Grissom turns around to yell at the bodies through the door)
Grissom: You a**h***!
Brass: Suicide.
Grissom: You think so, huh?
Brass: You got the sleeping bag for easy cleanup, the bathtub to catch the bullet, open window so the stench alerts the neighbors ... god bless him.
(Brass coughs. He flips the lights on. Grissom puts on his glasses to look
at the scene. Brass clears his throat. Grissom looks around and finds a bug and he picks it up)

Grissom: Pupa, stage three.
Brass: English. I'm not an entomologist.
Grissom: It's the third stage of larva metamorphosis. This guy's been dead seven days. (Grissom puts the larva into a container)
Brass: That's a maggot, and he stinks. Oh, good, it's almost 11:00. Maybe if I'm lucky I can break out of here in time for a shot at the first rack of the Krispy Kreme.
(Catherine enters the store with her gun drawn)
Catherine: Gun down!
Store Owner: What? I'm getting robbed again?
Catherine: Everything okay?
Holly: Yes, ma'am. (Catherine radios in everything's fine)
Catherine: You the new girl?
Holly: Yeah. Hi, I'm Holly Gribbs.
Catherine: Thanks. I'm Catherine Willows.
Store Owner: And I'm Lesley Stahl. Look, let's forget the formalities. Which one of you people's gonna clean my counter here?
Catherine: Let me tell you something, Lady-- if you don't care about catching the suspect neither do we. We're out of here. You can pick your gun up tomorrow. (Cath and Holly turn and start walking towards the door)
Holly (whispers): You can do that?
Catherine (scoffs): No.


102 | Cool Change

Jim Brass: You're under arrest for obstructing justice, tampering with state's evidence, and violating seven articles of scumbag.
Jerrod Cooper: Hello?
Catherine: Oh hey
Jerrod Cooper: Who's this? I just dialed my own damn beeper.
Catherine: Uh uh. It's my beeper now. I found it
Jerrod Cooper: It ain't yours. That's my beeper. I do some serious business on that beeper.
Catherine: What kind of business?
Jerrod Cooper: You know. Slangin' a little somethin' somethin' maybe
Catherine: A little somethin' somethin'? Maybe a little bling bling?
Jerrod Cooper: What you know bout some bling bling?
Catherine: Invite me over to your crib baby and you might find out.
Jerrod Cooper: Three Aces Motel. Room 202.
Catherine: Three Aces Motel. Room 202. (sighs) See you then
(Catherine hangs up the phone and looks at Sara)
Catherine: Did I just do that?
Sara: What's a bling bling?
Catherine: Got me.
Grissom: Nice swatch Nick. Pizza box sized.
Sara: Do you know where I can find Catherine Willows?
Catherine: [doesn't look up] She's out in the field [Sara looks down] Lemme guess... Sara Sidle?
Sara: Well i know who I am, I think you're a little confused
Catherine: If you think you're taking my case, forget it
Sara: Look we can stand here and argue... or... we can get out there and find who did this to Holly Gribbs. Two sharp women are better than one.
Grissom: Alright, Nick. Standing by for operation Norman. Let him fly. (Nick throws three dummies off of the roof, after each dummy thrown the crowd applauds)
Grissom (to Crowd): Yes, yes. (takes a photo of the first dummy, to himself) "Norman pushed." (takes a photo of the second dummy) "Norman jumped." (takes a picture of the third dummy) "Norman fell."
Sara: Wouldn't you if you were married to Mrs. Roper? (smiles)
Grissom: I don't even have to turn around. Sara Sidle.
Sara: It's me. Still tossing simulation dummies? There are other ways to tell, you know?
Grissom: How? Computer simulation? No thanks. I'm a scientist I like to see it. Newton dropped the apple, I drop dummies.
Sara: You're old school.
Grissom: Exactly. And this guy was pushed.
103 | Crate N' Burial

Sara: Hey, Grissom ... could you come tape me up?
Grissom (to Catherine): I love my work.
Catherine: It shows.
Sara: You're standing in my crime scene.
Nick: No. (shows his I.D badge saying he's a level 3) You're in mine. (Nick smiles and turns to walk out of the house)
Sara (envious): You're doing audio? I wanted that.
Nick: I outrank you.
Sara: Technicality. Who did Grissom handpick to work here?
(Grissom rushes into the room. He seems excited)
Grissom (smiling): You have to see the birthday present I got for your daughter.
Sara (walks in): What's the rule? How long do I have to be here before I start kicking in for gifts?
Catherine: When the spirit moves you, Sara. So, in your case, I guess, never. (Grissom opens the box and shows Catherine the chem set that he's holding in his hand)
Grissom: I got one of these chem labs when I was six. I almost blew up the whole house. (he chuckles)
Catherine: I hope you can return it 'cause, uh, Lindsey doesn't want a party. Grissom: Yeah, what kid doesn't want a party?
Catherine: My kid.
Nick: Hey, Catherine what time's your little girl coming by?
Catherine: She isn't.
Nick (holds up his gift): Yeah, but I got her a chem set.
Sara: You keep that; might learn something.
Nick: Stop flirting with me. Cath, really, when's the party?
Catherine (exasperated): What do I have to do --- put it on the bulletin board? There is no party. My daughter doesn't want a party. Is everybody clear on that? (everyone's pager goes off, they all leave, as Grissom leaves he places his chem set on Nick's)
Grissom: We'll play with these later. (leaves, and Nick laughs)
Grissom: People leave us clues, Nick. They speak to us in thousands of different ways. It's our job to make sure we've heard every thing they've said. Everything else is reasonable doubt.


104 | Pledging Mr. Johnson

(Sara walks into the locker room.)
Sara (to Warrick): Fine suit.
(Nick just took off his shirt to change it for a clean one.)
Sara (to Nick): And well, just fine.
Nick: That's harassment.
Sara: Hey, we have one locker room and it's my job to be observant.
(Nick grabs a shirt and puts it on.)
Warrick: Well, evidence vault opens in five. See you guys later.
Nick: Later, bro.
Sara: Easy. So, you and me, 419 Western LVU.
Nick: I know, a dead body at a fraternity. 7:00 A.M.-Looks like we're pulling
another double.
Sara: I know, we don't have all day ... are, are you going to wear ... that?
Nick: Yeah.
Sara: It's hideous ...
Nick: Hideous. Thank you.
(Sara leaves the locker room. Nick waits a moment, then undoes the buttons of
his shirt to change it. He clears his throat and takes his shirt off.)
Coroner:(To Grissom and Catherine) No pressure no prints
Grissom: (looks at Catherine)
Catherine: NO! no way, use your own hand!
Grissom: oh come on Catherine my hands are to big!
Catherine: NO!
Grissom: It is the only way we can print her! her skin on you hand should fit like a rubber glove!
Catherine:(Looks disgusted and annoyed)
Grissom: May I take your hand?
Catherine; Erghh
Grissom; On behalf of the deceased I thank you..
Catherine; *shivers*
Grissom; I think we are gonna know who she is by lunch time :)


105 | Friends and Lovers

Gil Grissom: I was flying to a seminar in New Hampshire a couple of summers ago. I was sitting in the plane next to a Philosophy Professor from Harvard. He told me this story about how every morning he takes a leak right after his three-hour philosophy class. He flushed the toilet, there'd be this tiny brown spider fighting for its life against the swirling water. He came back the next day, flush. Same spider, clawing its way back from oblivion. A week goes by, he decides to liberate the spider. Grabs a paper towel, scoops him up and sets him on the floor in the corner of the stall. Comes back the next day, and what do you think happened to the spider?
Warrick Brown: Dead.
Gil Grissom: On his back, eight legs in the air. Why? Because one life imposed itself on another. Right then I realized where we stand. I understood our role. We don't impose our will. We don't impose our hopes on the evidence.



106 | Who are you?





107 | Blood Drops





108 | Anonymous

Nick; I hate you.
Warrick you love me.. who ya kidding? :) x
Nick; you look tired want me to make you a bottle and some cookies so you go night night
warrick; want me to clack that jaw so you go night night? ;) x


109 | Unfriendly Skies

Sara: I take it that's not blood.
Grissom: No, but there's protein in it.
Sara: Ah, the mile high club. That means that the two passengers may have had no idea what was going on in the cabin.
Grissom: Yeah, well altitude enhances the entire sexual experience. It increases the euphoria.
Sara: Well it's good. I don't know if it's that good. Cite your source.
Grissom: Hand me a swab please.
Sara: You're avoiding the question. "Enhances sexual experience, increases euphoria". Cite your source.
Grissom: A magazine
Sara: What magazine?
Grissom: Applied Psychodynamics in Forensic Science.
Sara: Never heard of it.
Grissom: I'll get you a subscription. Now cite your source.
Sara: Oh, now you wanna go down that road?
Grissom: Yeah.
Sara: Nah, never mind.
Grissom: You started it.
Sara: Delta airlines. Flight 1109, Boston to Miami, March 93, Ken Fuller, Hazel eyes, Organic Chem Lab, TA, BMOC. Overrated in every aspect... Can we get back to work please?
Grissom: Yeah. I think due to your uh, first hand knowledge and experience in airplane bathrooms, I think you should do the swab.



110 | Sex, Lies and Larvae

Sara: Do you wanna sleep with me?
Grissom: Did you just say what i think you said?
Sara: Then when I wake up in cold sweats under the blanket you can tell me it's nothing. It's just empathy.
Grissom: What is the matter with you?
Sara: I am a woman and I have a gun and look how he treated me! Ican only IMAGINE how he treated his wife!
Sara Sidle: I wish I was like you, Grissom; I wish I didn't feel anything.

111 | I-5 Murders





112 | Fahrenheit 932

Murderer: Hey Grissom! This guy sent me away to prison... shoeprints! Next time I'm going barefoot.
Gil Grissom: Even better... footprints



113 | Boom





114 | To Halve and to Hold





115 | Table Stakes





116 | Too Tough to Die


Sara: I wish i was like you Grissom, I wish I didn't feel anything (Sara walks out)


117 | Face Lift





118 | $35K O.B.O.

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